Which bird(s) are you?

I'm probably mostly a Kookaburra with Lorikeet tendencies! 

 

 

.

Edited April 8, 20205 yr by metal beat

Trust him to give perspective..

Sacha Baron Cohen (in white) at it again.

 

 

*After Donald Trump, the world is wondering if it is the blonde men, not women, who are actually a bit dumber. They collected these true stories of a Blonde man ??*

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"

He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've already wet mine."
------------

A blonde man sees a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND."

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her First Child?" asks the Doctor.

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------

A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.

"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.

"I tried that," he replies, "but then I Couldn't breathe."
------------

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blonde man replies: "Duh, If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
------------

A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."

The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.

One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are intimate. The whole street was watching and laughing at YOU yesterday."

To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on "ALL OF YOU" because I wasn't even at home yesterday !
?????

5 hours ago, gillmaverick said:

*After Donald Trump, the world is wondering if it is the blonde men, not women, who are actually a bit dumber. They collected these true stories of a Blonde man ??*

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"

He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've already wet mine."
------------

A blonde man sees a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND."

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her First Child?" asks the Doctor.

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------

A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.

"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.

"I tried that," he replies, "but then I Couldn't breathe."
------------

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blonde man replies: "Duh, If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
------------

A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."

The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.

One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are intimate. The whole street was watching and laughing at YOU yesterday."

To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on "ALL OF YOU" because I wasn't even at home yesterday !
?????

@gillmaverick

 

Great list!

 

Keep 'em coming!

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and he asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around you are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Boris Johnson in here, would you?"

The Prime Minster walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this, if you would, Boris. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, he answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Trump went back home to ask Mike Pence the same question. “ Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Pence. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, Pence ran in to his friend Jack Murphy in a restaurant the next night. Pence asked, "Jack, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Jack Murphy answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Pence smiled, and said, "Thanks!"

Pence then went back to speak with Trump. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle: It's my friend Jack Murphy!"

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled, "No, you idiot! It's Boris Johnson!"

that is very funny...  thank you!

2 blondes met on a road. Blonde 1 was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder. "Hey," hailed blonde 2, "what is in the bag?"

" Make up Kits ," came the reply.'If I guess how many, can I have one?' asked Blonde 2. "You can have both of them." Said blonde 1. 

Ok," said Blonde 2, " Five "

Edited April 10, 20205 yr by Steam

3 hours ago, April Snow said:

 

Excellente! 

 

18 minutes ago, Steam said:

 

 

 

 

 

I can just imagine some f'wit prepper in the Yankee mid-west doing that! 

 

Andy

 

38 minutes ago, andyr said:

 

 

 

 

I can just imagine some f'wit prepper in the Yankee mid-west doing that! 

 

Andy

 

Yes this looks like the website "people of Walmart" they show weirdos like this ...........at "normal" times - hahahahaa

1 hour ago, andyr said:

 

Excellente! 

 

 

I can just imagine some f'wit prepper in the Yankee mid-west doing that! 

 

Andy

 

No. They're members of the underground. This guy's a member of the resistance.