7 minutes ago, mwhouston said:

I just pissed myself laughing. Oops, would you mind sharing the number. 

Got it; 1300 HOLDON

 

3 things happened today

 

1. My friend said he hated the song above

2. My friend got hit by a bus

3. I lost my bus license

1 hour ago, progladyte said:

I rang the Incontinence Hotline last week.

 

They asked me if I could hold on for a while.

 

 

Have you heard about the guy with explosive diarrhoea? 

No? That's surprising, it's all over town

Do you need to know some important statistics?

 

Apparently 10% of the male population suffers from Hemorrhoids!

 

That means that the other 90% of us really enjoy them!

 

Conversely, for a woman, the most excruciating pain she can endure is having her nipples clamped.

 

I thought it would have been a lot more painful when they drove the tow truck away.

 

 

Just now, proftournesol said:

Have you heard about the guy with explosive diarrhoea? 

No? That's surprising, it's all over town

What a bummer!

 

Might as well drag out the golden oldies...............

 

 

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

 

He worked it out with a pencil!

 

 

At a huge outdoor concert in South Africa back in the late 80's, Police front-man, Sting announced to the crowd that:

 

Every time he clapped his hands, some poor impoverished person from Soweto died.

 

Bright spark at the back of the crowd then yelled out:

 

"So, stop clapping your hands"............

42 minutes ago, progladyte said:

At a huge outdoor concert in South Africa back in the late 80's, Police front-man, Sting announced to the crowd that:

 

Every time he clapped his hands, some poor impoverished person from Soweto died.

 

Bright spark at the back of the crowd then yelled out:

 

"So, stop clapping your hands"............

How many times can that poor person die?

6 hours ago, proftournesol said:

How many times can that poor person die?

None since South Africa banned him from performing live in that country......?

 

Edited January 27, 20206 yr by progladyte

On 24/01/2020 at 11:10 PM, LogicprObe said:

 

Might as well drag out the golden oldies...............

 

 

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

 

He worked it out with a pencil!

Q? whats brown and sticky?

 

A. A stick

15 hours ago, progladyte said:

None since South Africa banned him from performing live in that country......?

 

I heard that he was afraid to go back as he was an accused serial kiiler

On 27/01/2020 at 11:08 PM, darth vader said:

Q? whats brown and sticky?

A. Anal sex!?

My wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked "Does my butt look big in this dress?" I texted back "NOO!" My phone autocorrected my response to "MOO!" Please send HELP

On 27/01/2020 at 1:54 PM, progladyte said:

At a huge outdoor concert in South Africa back in the late 80's, Police front-man, Sting announced to the crowd that:

 

Every time he clapped his hands, some poor impoverished person from Soweto died.

 

Bright spark at the back of the crowd then yelled out:

 

"So, stop clapping your hands"............

This joke has been doing the rounds for a long time. When I first heard it Bono was featured, not Sting.