20 minutes ago, progladyte said:

We live in a really nice suburb with great neighbours.

 

Our next door neighbours make really good porno videos.....

 

They don't know that of course.........😛

 

 

you're not my new neighbours that moved in a few months back are you??

13 minutes ago, wasabijim said:

 

you're not my new neighbours that moved in a few months back are you??

 

 

Not sure! I move around a lot as an unemployed transient Gypsy.

 

Do you find yourself in compromising situations near a window?

 

Steven Spielberg is seeking new material so let's see where this leads us! 😛

 

A man is seeking to join the N.S.W. Police force.

The Sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, he says, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, six extremists, and a rabbit."
The man being interviewed asks, "Why the rabbit?"
"Excellent," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?

6 hours ago, expat said:

 

This reminds me when I was a fearless 13 year old attempting the same thing down Arden St Coogee N.S.W., which is a similar, if not slightly steeper hill.

I got the Death Wobbles before I got to the bottom, and went flying off over the footpath into somebodies garden.

29 minutes ago, Tweaky said:

 

This reminds me when I was a fearless 13 year old attempting the same thing down Arden St Coogee N.S.W., which is a similar, if not slightly steeper hill.

I got the Death Wobbles before I got to the bottom, and went flying off over the footpath into somebodies garden.

That's some hill, especially coming from Clovelly end!

A blonde wanted to try out ice fishing. She went out and purchased all the gear she would need and headed to a local spot to try to catch some fish.

She went out onto the ice with her gear and after getting comfy on the stool, she started to cut a circular hole in the ice as she had seen on the internet. As she was cutting, she heard a voice from the heavens speak out, saying, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde was startled. She stood up and looked around but saw no one. Cautiously, she moved a little further out onto the ice and set up in a different spot. She sipped some hot chocolate from her thermos and then started cutting another hole. Again, the voice called out, seemingly from all around her.

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

Now feeling quite scared and starting to get a bit frustrated, she moved all the way to the far end of the ice and laid out all her gear, sat upon her stool and started cutting another hole. Right away, the heavenly voice boomed out, this time louder than ever, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!".

She jumped off her stool and looked all around her. She shouted to the heavens, "IS THAT YOU, LORD?"

The voice answered, "NO. THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RING. THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
 

Edited November 25, 20223 yr by Addicted to music

Little five tear old boy visiting his grandma.  
 

He plays with his toys while grandma is dusting.   
 

The little boy asked “Grandma, since grandpa has gone to heaven, why haven’t you got a boyfriend?” 
 

Grandma “ the TV is my boyfriend,  I like watching the TV, I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long, it has religious programs that keeps me interested, and comedies that make me laugh, I’m happy for my TV to be my boyfriend “. 
 

Later grandma turns on the TV and it has bad reception, she fiddles with the knobs in hope to get it focus,  frustrated she then starts hitting the back of the TV to try and fix the problem.

 

Then the little boy heard to door bell ring,  hurries to the front door to open it.  Grandma’s minister was standing there.

 

”Hi son, is your grandma home?”

 

The little boy replied “ Yeah, she’s in the bedroom banging her boyfriend”. 

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.  Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

Here's another way to get a bike

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

I can't remember if the correct catch cry was "JB HiFi Youv'e done it again" is correct, but in this instance I think it fits.

 

This is the second tome this has happened.

I've bought 4K discs at JB when on sale, and stupidly picked up two of the same tile, and paid for them, and only realized when I've got home .

Both times I've returned to JB with the duplicate discs, asking to swap it for a different one that was the same price.

 

You'd think that would be simple transaction...NOPE.

 

I walked up to the cashier today with my second copy of  the 4K disc version of Bullet Train, which I wanted to exchange for Top Gun Maverick, which I also had in my hands [ The original receipt said Bullet train X 2 ]

I explained the situation, as I thought it obvious by my explanation, and what was on the receipt,  and the fact that I had the duplicate purchased disc in my hands ,it should be a straight swap, but the cashier said NO [Hints of little Britain ]

 

She insisted that I was wrong, and gave me the look of " You stupid old bastard" and said because the discs were on sale, she need to reimburse me for the disc, and give me the swapped disc.

I did honestly try a third time to explain, but I got the death Stare, and thought, well OK, I'm not going to argue since you think you are in charge, and let her reimburse my credit card with $28.

 

So I bought 7 4K discs on sale at JB at 30% off, but ended up only paying for 5.

 

I think that well true to JB You've done it again.

 

It happened before about a month ago when I was buying the 4K disc versions of the Star Wars movies.

Quite a few of the titles have very similar covers, and I had picked up the same tile twice, went to return and get the corrct one, only for the same thing to happen

 

I might of inadvertently discovered a scam 🤣

From the neighbour next door.....

“ Hi, Morris . This is Saul, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. 

Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. 

- Saul. “

So, Morris, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, 
and shot Saul dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Morris then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Saul. 

SECOND TEXT MESSAGE: 

Hi, Morris. Saul here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us.

how useful would the last one below be 😎

 

20 hours ago, Tweaky said:

I can't remember if the correct catch cry was "JB HiFi Youv'e done it again" is correct, but in this instance I think it fits.

 

This is the second tome this has happened.

I've bought 4K discs at JB when on sale, and stupidly picked up two of the same tile, and paid for them, and only realized when I've got home .

Both times I've returned to JB with the duplicate discs, asking to swap it for a different one that was the same price.

 

You'd think that would be simple transaction...NOPE.

 

I walked up to the cashier today with my second copy of  the 4K disc version of Bullet Train, which I wanted to exchange for Top Gun Maverick, which I also had in my hands [ The original receipt said Bullet train X 2 ]

I explained the situation, as I thought it obvious by my explanation, and what was on the receipt,  and the fact that I had the duplicate purchased disc in my hands ,it should be a straight swap, but the cashier said NO [Hints of little Britain ]

 

She insisted that I was wrong, and gave me the look of " You stupid old bastard" and said because the discs were on sale, she need to reimburse me for the disc, and give me the swapped disc.

I did honestly try a third time to explain, but I got the death Stare, and thought, well OK, I'm not going to argue since you think you are in charge, and let her reimburse my credit card with $28.

 

So I bought 7 4K discs on sale at JB at 30% off, but ended up only paying for 5.

 

I think that well true to JB You've done it again.

 

It happened before about a month ago when I was buying the 4K disc versions of the Star Wars movies.

Quite a few of the titles have very similar covers, and I had picked up the same tile twice, went to return and get the corrct one, only for the same thing to happen

 

I might of inadvertently discovered a scam 🤣

true event:

 

was at Bunnings buying some nuts and bolts,  total cost around $16.   Realised that they charged 2X for the some of the nuts and over priced some specific bolts.   When to customer service to have it corrected,  told her that in both cases it was an over charged,  she starts looking at the codes and measuring the bolts and I started to advised she’s looking at the wrong product,  she gives me this I know better look and to let her do her thing so o did!  I ended up with a refund of around $26,  who am I to argue!   🤣🤣🤣

As the Bunnings catch phrase goes.....