Keith_W Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Don't know how many of you read The Age, but I came across this article (in response to the Federal Governments new citizenship test). It's so bloody funny ... I just HAD to post it -- It's time for a real test that requires real Australian qualities. YOU can shove your citizenship test up your poxy date. No one has the right to decide what being Australian is. I was born here and I have no idea. But I do know what it isn't, and what being Australian isn't is testing people on what they know about some white pen-pusher's idea of Australia. This is the country whose citizens pride themselves on not knowing the words to their own country's anthem. If I wanted to be an Australian citizen and I was told that I had to pass a test first, I'd bugger off to New Zealand. Who are we trying to keep out with this test? How will knowing the name of Australia's first prime minister or the date of Federation keep out terrorists, wankers or bludgers? The citizenship test questions are irrelevant and offensive. Here's my citizenship test and if you don't like it you can rack off and go back to your own country. You know what the most un-Australian thing in the world is? Migrants. And we don't want them coming here with their fancy food, classy culture, rich traditions and willingness to contribute. LANGUAGE 1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"? 2. What is a mole? 3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey? 4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo." CUSTOMS 1. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash? 2. Complete the following sentences: a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother … B) You're going home in the back of a … c) Fair suck of the … 3. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss 4. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie? 5. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Keith and does he have a wife called Cheryl? FOOD 1. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming? 2. What are the ingredients in a rissole? 3. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam. 4. Do you have an Aunty Myrna who is famous for her tuna mornay and other dishes involving a can of cream of celery soup? 5. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been nicked from a bath full of ice? 6. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own? 7. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot? CULTURE 1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots? 2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"? 3. Who would you like to crack on to? 4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie? 5. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool? 6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan? The people to be granted citizenship are the ones who call it a crock and cheat.
Mr_Gimlet Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Which of the following best illustrates unAustralianness in action? <blockquote>a: Spearing a poisoned barb through the heart of a man who took the real Australia to the world b:Being Germaine Greer c: Being the tree that killed Brocky.</blockquote> Glenn Wheatley was: <blockquote>a: a bass player b: anxious in the shower this morning c: a lot happier this time last year.</blockquote> Complete the following phrase: ''football, meat pies, kangaroos and ... '' <blockquote>a: Toyota hybrids b: rebadged Protons c: all our cars come from Korea.</blockquote> Simpson and his Donkey were: <blockquote>a: arrested b: the founding members of the Country Party c: the greatest opening partnership in test history.</blockquote> 'We'll all be rooned' said: <blockquote>a: Dick Smith b: Pauline Hanson c: the Reserve Bank Board.</blockquote>
Jon Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Or d: a W*nker, mind you a wealthy one, guess he can afford to do silly things. :biggrin: Shane Warne isa: a haircut b: a tool c: German[/b]
Pulse-R Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 I thought Warne was a hair-therapy salesman. What do you do with a tinnie of Melbourne? a: drink it b: give it to a mate that forgot it was BYO c: chuck it out 'coz nobody drinks that sh** d: keep it in the fridge for the next time the missus want a beer shampoo, or the kids are making dampa
blackfox Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 lmao, u know its hilarious when you actually understand and know the answers to all these, makes me feel *tear* patriotic, I can't depict what it is to be an australian, Guess its being a bogan who loves to go fishing with the boys, down a few too many beers while catching nothing, talking sh** through your arse, owning an xf ford falcon or a real holden! ironically we support australia but how much of our audio gear actually originates here?? Signs of an aussie - know what the Six White Boomers are - had the seat belt brand your arse from getting into your car on a hot summers day -eaten vegimite -gone camping, got eaten by mozzies (even know what they are), eaten dampa cooked on an open fire, -hailed ned kelly as a hero for being a rebel against society and a criminal (hey what must you expect we were founded as a large prison this country) -ever said "sh** a brick" or "built like a brick shithouse" -say g-day mate and how ya doin out of sheer habbit to complete strangers -know what a billy can is -snags are cooked on a bbq -spent all your pocket money as a kid on lollies at the corner store -call petroleum, petrol and its bought from a servo -lived on a staple diet of weetbix, vegimite on toast and an aussie beer -see kangaroos as a pest not only as a cute native animal -told someone from overseas about "drop bears" -know where to find the southern cross -not even be aware there is a second verse to our national anthem let alone know the words -pissed up all ones pay at the pub when you get your check with the boys after a hard days work -been on the dole or know what it is -own an Akubra Hat, extra points for having corks attached to the rim - understand kolalas are not a bear, infact related to the wombat - captain cook came on the first fleet and setup shop in botany bay - know all the words to click goes the sheers - common fact what anzac and quantas are actually acronyms for (Australian and New Zealand Army Corps, Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Services) -ayers rock and ularu are one of the same thing, a huge arse rock smack near the middle of this sun burnt land -backyard cricket has rules all of their own! - your dog is ya best mate and worker - understand that pigs is another word for cops -have owned or know someone who has a shagin wagon panel van, hills hoist, briggs and stratton mower,
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