She spent all my money…

[gz76]

Okay, sorry for the sensationalist headline but I had to get you here somehow!

 

Recently my partner and I have started looking at options for combining our income and planning for future goals together. We've identified a handful of options for handling joint finances, and it got me thinking… how do you guys do this? Would be great to tap into your collective experience to see what works and what doesn't.

 

So, if you're in a dual income household, whether in a long-term committed relationship or married, then this poll's for you.

 

Would appreciate comments below too about your different experiences, good or bad.

 

Thanks,

 

GZ.

Edited September 1, 2013 by gz76

[Dolphy]

The missus get's it all and pays the bills, I get an allowance.

 

However, I have a bank account that she doesn't know about and I skim my pay

[betty boop]

whatever the method its that its mutually agreable thats the important thing. 

 

splitting bills doesnt really work. a single bank account doesnt always work. separate personal accounts with a common account for joint living expenses can work.

 

important to work out the financial goals both want to achieve. and if want to just sit down do a budget. then work out who will take care of what. wherever possible set up direct debits to take care of things. always leave some "play money" for each to do with totally as they please - no questions asked.

 

and things will work

 

money can be root of all evil ! and a killer for a relationship. important its sorted early and there is give and take to make sure both sides happy

Edited September 1, 2013 by :) al

[Addicted to music]

All expenses come out of my account, it has been since we were married. I pay for everything, that's because initially we had an unexpected pregnancy and the 2nd wasn't planned either. We purchases our 1st unit and our first house with my income. When she got back on her feet and was able to have an income she aimed at getting a bigger house. So we bought a block on her income and we build our second house with mine. We never touch her income as this will be used for emergencies or investments. We both splurge on stuff to keep us entertained, but that's never on stuff we don't need and never over spend.

We however have separate accounts and do our separate things, in an emergency like the stuff that's happen to my parents, I was able to ask for a substantial amount to cover a cost. So this has worked for us and I have no plans to change it.

[Guest JohnA]

married, dual income.

 

simple method that works for us

 

one account and both wages go into it

 

we put money aside for bills and any loans.

set amount aside each week for our daughter

 

rest of money we spent as we like.

We both love shopping and do it together all the time.

if she wants something expensive, no big deal, as long as the funds are there, she can have it. Same for me.

we dont keep score nor care how much we spend

 

has been working great for us for the last 13 years of marriage and 7 years of dating

Edited September 1, 2013 by JohnA

[comfortablynumb]

My wage pays for the mortgages/s. It doesn't NEED all of my pay (at this time) so the extra pays additional amounts from the loan.

 

We live on my wifes pay. (the greater amount)

 

We separate my wifes pay into a bill paying account. $250/week. This pays ALL bills. Phone, electricity, insurances, school fees, car services and so on.

 

At other times the roles have been reversed. The method is the smaller wage pays the loans (and loans are managed to match) and we live on the bigger wage.

 

There is NO my money/ her money. It is OUR money. It is a PARTNERSHIP. In our view there can be no other way a long term relationship can work. Other methods portray a lack of trust.

 

This has worked for over 20 years.

[davidsss]

Hmm, typed something and lost it, this laptop is old and crap!

I've been with my partner for 26 years, unmarried and we have a house and a kid together. We don't have joint accounts or anything and this has worked fine for us. Very little is actually jointly owned. However, this is largely irrelevant. A friend recently broke up with their partner and even though my friend bought the house before they were together and was paying it off during the relationship, the house is being split by the court following the break up. An acrimonious break up makes ownership largely irrelevant if you hit the courts.

We just pay bills as they come and sort of swap paying depending on the value of the bills. It is pretty vague but works fine. Big bills are often swapped or we agree one pays the large bill (eg house insurance) and the other pays the next few bills. Money is not a big issue but we are not very materialistic. I have some hobbies, she less so. Recently we have had to pay our daughter's HECS fees so we just swap semesters. She earns more than me so tends to contribute more to bills but it isn't formal.

Comfortablynumb I have to comment on your statement that not having joint finances betrays a lack of trust. I would tend to argue the opposite. I don't know what my partner earns, only a reasonable estimate, same would go the other way. We don't need to know figures because there is trust. I did say I tend to argue the opposite as I think this is situational and depends a lot on outgoings, incomes etc as well as how you jointly run your relationship. Whatever works but I think trust is not particularly related to the arrangement, any arrangement involves trust and it certainly does take a fair bit of trust to run your own finances and trust your partner can run theirs and trust that both can contribute if there is an emergency or just large outgoings. An arrangement with a joint account similarly involves trust.

DS

[Catostylus]

What's a "partner"?

[comfortablynumb]

Hmm, typed something and lost it, this laptop is old and crap!

I've been with my partner for 26 years, unmarried and we have a house and a kid together. We don't have joint accounts or anything and this has worked fine for us. Very little is actually jointly owned. However, this is largely irrelevant. A friend recently broke up with their partner and even though my friend bought the house before they were together and was paying it off during the relationship, the house is being split by the court following the break up. An acrimonious break up makes ownership largely irrelevant if you hit the courts.

We just pay bills as they come and sort of swap paying depending on the value of the bills. It is pretty vague but works fine. Big bills are often swapped or we agree one pays the large bill (eg house insurance) and the other pays the next few bills. Money is not a big issue but we are not very materialistic. I have some hobbies, she less so. Recently we have had to pay our daughter's HECS fees so we just swap semesters. She earns more than me so tends to contribute more to bills but it isn't formal.

Comfortablynumb I have to comment on your statement that not having joint finances betrays a lack of trust. I would tend to argue the opposite. I don't know what my partner earns, only a reasonable estimate, same would go the other way. We don't need to know figures because there is trust. I did say I tend to argue the opposite as I think this is situational and depends a lot on outgoings, incomes etc as well as how you jointly run your relationship. Whatever works but I think trust is not particularly related to the arrangement, any arrangement involves trust and it certainly does take a fair bit of trust to run your own finances and trust your partner can run theirs and trust that both can contribute if there is an emergency or just large outgoings. An arrangement with a joint account similarly involves trust.

DS

 

You misunderstand David.

 

There is no need to have joint finances as such. My point was more about my money/her money. We have separate accounts. Full operator privileges to either of us on both. These are the same accounts we had way back when we were singles. It is just a matter of convienience really.

 

Dolphy illustrates my point. An account she doesn't know about and squirrels money away. I guess he may be saving for a really wicked birthday pressie or an overseas holiday.

 

I have known many couples where "she" has no idea what "he" earns and when "he" gets a bonus the attitude is "I ain't telling her about it. Thats MY money". Lack of trust you see.

[davewantsmoore]

I voted keep your own money, with 50/50 expenses.

 

 

We also put in 50/50 to save/plan for holidays, large expenditures, investments, etc, etc.

 

As I have the bigger pay check this usually means that her left over money is hers to spend (ahem, waste) ... and my left over money is for me to spend on our entertainment and overindulgence .... and what is left after that is mine to spend on toys and candy.

 

This strikes a nice balance between me (as the 'bread winner') having slightly more control over excesses (eating out, large frivolous purchases, etc.) .... and her feeling she is contributing equally to the big picture.    Working well for 5+ years.

 

 

...  however I think she would actually prefer to put everything in one big pot, and me give her an allowance.    This might be the future... but I fear then the size of the "requested" allowance my overtime lose touch with reality  (if you get what I mean).   First world problems I guess.

[Dasher]

Don't fight the inevitable, just give her your pay and hope she allows you to have a little pocket money

Sent from my HTC One X using Tapatalk 2

[Dolphy]

Dolphy illustrates my point. An account she doesn't know about and squirrels money away. I guess he may be saving for a really wicked birthday pressie or an overseas holiday.

 

You've hit the nail on the head, the secret account is called "Gifts" and I do squirrel it away for gifts and emergencies, I've only ever bought two things exclusively for me with this money. The missus isn't stupid and she occasionally raises an eyebrow when I buy/pay for something unexpected.

[Saxon Hall]

If there is no trust in the relationship then no method will work satisfactorily unfortunately

[comfortablynumb]

You've hit the nail on the head, the secret account is called "Gifts" and I do squirrel it away for gifts and emergencies, I've only ever bought two things exclusively for me with this money. The missus isn't stupid and she occasionally raises an eyebrow when I buy/pay for something unexpected.

 

While this is what YOU do, many others do not. Not everyones missus is "not stupid" or even just gullible.

 

HC's post is spot on. There is nothing without trust.

 

I suppose there is blind faith. Very different thing though.

[davewantsmoore]

Don't fight the inevitable, just give her your pay and hope she allows you to have a little pocket money Sent from my HTC One X using Tapatalk 2

 

Oh no ... it's the other way around.   She wants to give all her money to me.... and get an allowance back.

[comfortablynumb]

Oh no ... it's the other way around.   She wants to give all her money to me.... and get an allowance back.

 

I tell you mate....it's a bloody trap !!!

[davidsss]

You misunderstand David.

 

There is no need to have joint finances as such. My point was more about my money/her money. We have separate accounts. Full operator privileges to either of us on both. These are the same accounts we had way back when we were singles. It is just a matter of convienience really.

 

Dolphy illustrates my point. An account she doesn't know about and squirrels money away. I guess he may be saving for a really wicked birthday pressie or an overseas holiday.

 

I have known many couples where "she" has no idea what "he" earns and when "he" gets a bonus the attitude is "I ain't telling her about it. Thats MY money". Lack of trust you see.

 

Aah I think you are misunderstanding. That's not lack of trust, that's not being deserving of trust.

 

We don't have secret accounts we just have never actually asked each other for specifics of each other's finances. That's trust. Having a joint account, it's just a different kind of trust.

 

Do what suits you and what you are comfortable with.

 

DS

[betty boop]

~

 

Do what suits you and what you are comfortable with.

 

DS

 

thats probably at heart of it. as long as theres mutual trust and understanding, anything that suits will probably work. 

[davidsss]

thats probably at heart of it. as long as theres mutual trust and understanding, anything that suits will probably work. 

 

Exactly, a relationship involves trust and understanding, and compromise. Go with what works.

 

DS

[Audiobugged]

Oh no ... it's the other way around. She wants to give all her money to me.... and get an allowance back.

When are you planning to propose?

[joz]

She makes me give her all my money, then she lets me be the boss. :lol:

[progladyte]

I work my t i t s off so the war office can have hers done.

 

 

J.K.

[ryzaa]

We do the 50/50 split here. Everything affecting the both of us is halved. Personal expenses (Car, phone, etc) are paid individually. I earn $20k a year as I'm studying, and she earns $50k. Not always that fun 'working' 80 hours a week and earning less than half of what she does for 30 hours a week. But I'm sure others have similar kinds of deals with the one who earns less probably doing more housework and the like...

[Brendo09]

When we married we joint accounted. My wife isn't interested in managing the money, but she is interested in knowing it's present situation. Everything came from it, mortgage, utilities, food, everything.

 

Now I'm the only 'earner', and it's the same thing. One account, two cards, and whatever we need is in there. I tell her about things I'd like to buy, we make sure we can afford it, and I make the move. She gets the same when she's keen on a clothes hit. 

 

What's mine is hers, and what's hers is mine. It's just being married is my way of thinking.

[davewantsmoore]

When are you planning to propose?

 

We've been married for 6 months.

 

I also suspect it is a trap  (just kidding).   She says she is too "stupid" to manage her own money.... but meanwhile she works for "large financial consultancy" and studies at uni full time.

 

Whatever "allowance" we agreed would no doubt be indexed to CPI, and she'd retain a lawyer for when that wasn't enough.   heheee

 

 

In all seriousness now.... she just wants approval to spend (frivolously waste) some money on potato-cakes and beer  (or whatever it is that girls like to buy).   I respect the sentiment.