Topper Tour Advice

[Cafad]

Have I mentioned previously that I hate insomnia? Well I do and since I can't sleep I thought I might just type out a few further pieces of info regarding the AMG Toppers that I have been fortunate enough to trial recently. I'll list these as numbered points just for the sake of separation.

1. These things are shaped like a brick (just a bit smaller than a house brick) and quite heavy. I would recommend the wearing of steel capped safety footwear to anyone involved in an extended evaluation session. All it would take is one slip and you could be limping for weeks.

2. As they are heavy and coated in a nice Tupac-like hardened paint they are very effective at cracking macadamia nuts. They were not to bad on almonds and sort of so-so on walnuts but they excelled at macadamias. Something to do with the resonant frequency of the shell I suspect.

3. The interior of the base is painted wood and may not be waterproof; as such the toppers should not be used to contain liquids.

4. The interior of the base is a nice medium grain wood which may well be subject to staining so be sure to remove the remnants of any stray M&Ms, jaffas or cashews as quickly as possible.

5. I learned this by complete accident but remember the write up about the toppers being tuned mass dampers, well it turns out the secret word is "tuned", I hit upon a random combination of frequencies at just the right volume that can increase the effective power of the toppers a thousand fold. Let me illustrate the point.

Here we have a pair of little monoblocks with the toppers in place.

And here we have the result of the monoblocks treated with a ten second blast of the secret combination of frequencies. The effect is not only permanent it is not just limited to amps or speakers, they'll work on anything.

For example: Before treatment.

and after treatment.

I'm not certain yet, but I suspect this is how Mike makes his ML2s, they are actually just ML1s treated with the toppers, and the ML3s have been treated twice! You might want to keep quiet about this effect though, it wouldn't do to let the word out too soon.

6. This is more for the members involved in the tour itself, if you happen to find any small, white ovals in amongst the bubble wrap don't worry they are probably just Tarantula eggs. I sometimes let my pet Tarantulas roam free in my listening room. If you do find any eggs you might want to think about selling them, it is rare to find a strain of Tarantula that grows as big and has venom as potent as these little fellas. Be careful though, they are pretty aggro by nature.

7. Any larger white ovals are probably just Tiapan eggs, there's nothing special about these I just had to evict a mama Tiapan that had decided our shed was a good place to live. If you do find any Tiapan eggs you should probably just throw them out. Unless your kids want an exotic pet.

8. Recently my interest in Biology has been rekindled and I have been trying to isolate a specific species of flesh eating bacteria (Oh, by the way, if there is any brown fuzz in the box it is probably best not to touch it) this took a while and I had an issue with cleaning all those used petri dishes out with disinfectant so I came up with an easier option. I purchased a nice cheap radioactive source from a friendly fellow in Uzebekistan (Cobalt 60, or so the sticker says) and I use it to sterilize all the bacteria containers. Since we have a few issues with storage space I had to store the source next to the topper box for a few days so it might just pay to run a Giger counter over the box prior to opening. It's probably nothing but it will give you peace of mind and since my Giger counter is such a bugger to calibrate (it keeps going off the scale!) then I can't check it myself so I am afraid it will be up to you to ensure your own peace of mind.

Oh, and if anyone is interested, I can supply the particular combination of frequencies and volume required to make the toppers do their thing. I offer my pictures above as irrefutable proof of my claim (remember pictures don't lie) and I offer a full money back guarentee*.

*guarenteed to obtain similar results to the pictures shown above provided the toppers are used at 4:30pm on the Autumnal Equinox at the same latitude and longitude as the displayed test results. Superior results are likely to be obtained if used by a human with a y chromosome who shares at least 70% mitochondrial DNA with the original claimant.

Cheers ladies and gents, I'm going to go and have a second try at this sleep thing.

[sir sanders zingmore]

I think the drugs have started kicking in.......

[Cafad]

Actually mate, I think the problem was the drugs wearing off. Anyway, whichever it was, it is all fixed now :lol: :lol: :lol:

[A J]

I miss the toppers - the heli isn't even as good as the tiger tank however it does give sound a bit of a lift

[Guest yamaha_man]

Pmpl you tripper!

[Cafad]

Pmpl you tripper!

Well that was the whole point of the post.

Hey AJ, have you thought about a topper with more suspension travel? Maybe a Monster Truck or a jacked up Landcruiser? Better suspension will give you more space between the highs and the lows and a much taller soundstage.