EXPIRED: 'Our friendly service'

[maxgate]

Given that Dunedin lacks music stores worthy of the name I asked a British friend to source some albums for me... He responded by inventing a mail-order company, Cheerful Charley's Records:

 

Hi Valued Customer

 

You are now the proud owner of two Frank Zappa releases. You just don't actually have them in your possession yet. However, here at Cheerful Charley's Records we value customer satisfaction highly and in order to fulfil your dreams and your last order we will package your discs carefully in sandpaper sleeves inside a rusty old tin, sellotape it to the back of a small rodent and point it in the general direction of NZ, dispatching it with a hard kick up the arse. There is a 0.00000200040020300401% chance of it arriving by the next millennium but please wait 6 months thereafter as sometimes our rodents are delayed in quarantine.

 

We understand there is a vicious rumour in circulation that you are occasionally in paid employment. To test the veracity of this claim we will instruct our rodent to call at the last known address which perpetrated this spurious piece of information.

 

We expect you to be fully satisfied with our service and, therefore, do not have a complaints department and, furthermore, don't expect you to bother trying to access it.

 

Yours knee-deep in unwanted Barry Manilow LPs

Cheerful Charley

[MosfetMainac]

Excellent, setting customer expectations.

Now, when the items do turn up unharmed you should be pleasantly surprised

[Luis1553552738]

Excellent+1.Does your friend happen to work for the IRD?

[Brian Ono]

Its how I would feel about things if I was knee deep in Barry Manilow